109: Subway, Soho

Dreams don't die so keep an eye on your dreams.
And before you know where you are, there you are. 
Time goes by and hopes go dry but you can't give up on your dreams.
Tend your dreams. Dreams take time. Hit the road.

Notice of Personnel Action: Resignation. Check.

Getting sad that my buddy Amador is leaving today. He's moving on to bigger and brighter things with his life. And pretty soon, I'll be leaving too. My last day at work is on May 15. Tanya left already. And a lot of people have been leaving. It's like a huge chapter of my life is ending. And it's a bit scary yet exciting at the same time. I feel that I've grown a lot in the company. And i've learned to be patient and persevere sa hanggang makakaya ko pa, until my very last ounce of 'fight.' I've learned things that I won't probably learn anywhere else. And in retrospect, I think shet, kinaya ko. And people though I'd only stay for less than six months. All I can say is... suck it bitches! haha. 1 year and 4 months suckahz.

All of a sudden, I was thrust into the real world. And I've lived a sheltered life all my life. And I realized in my stay here, things don't always come easy. You have to work for it. And you have to work damn hard because there's no such thing as entitlement in the real world. You are the sum of what you do - the sum of your actions. The product of your achievements and accomplishments. Who you are may get your foot in the door. But what you do is what makes you stay. And therefore in anything, and in everything, you must always do your best.

WHAT I ATE TODAY:
Breakfast:
none

Lunch:
Large Watermelon Shake

Merienda:
Macaroni
1/2 bottle of soymilk
Chicken Sandwich

Dinner:
2 glasses of mango shake

Midnight Snack:
1 pc. chicken w/ rice from Mini Stop

EXERCISE:
3 laps of jogging around the Polo Field

SIGHTS AND SOUNDS:
Workshop

Dream dream dream... wherever I want to... all i have to do...

At 121
After dropping by Caisa's for a quick chat, I met up with Gians, Lifecoach, and Bulings at 121 along Pasong Tamo. A year in the making, I finally got to catch up and bond with Gians in our typical short and sweet fashion. I'm really glad she's pursuing theater now - finally after so long and many attempts. Congrats Gians! I love you with all my heart :)

Giansy and Chris

Lifecoach, Me, and Giansy

Bulings

Lifecoach in the dark

Epaline. hehe.

I cannot have any more liquor in my liver... at least for a day. haha. throbbing

Lifecoach, Me, GIans, Chris, and Bulings

THE TOFF SMILE SERIES

WEIGHT:
189 pounds


- 2000 and Thin

107-108: DARKNESS

Darkness - a state or environment through which people achieve their truest and most potent selves. When people become most real or unafraid because it masks the dagger looks of those who pry. In darkness, everything disappears and what is revealed momentarily is a still, small light or a still, small voice that echoes and persists. A still, small force that doesn't dishevel when light fades.

Just because you don't see it, doesn't mean it's not there.

You know how when you watch a movie, the movie house is kept dark? Not even drably lit. Dark. Pitch black, lit only by the glare of the movie screen? It's coz it's the only state through which the eye is able to fully and freely see. It's only through darkness that the eyes achieve their widest state and are thus able to perceive in full effect, what happens within the microcosmic world of a movie, or the macrocosmic scale of the universe.

That's why when you leave the movie theater, or a dark room, you get blinded by the light. And for a second there, your senses get disgruntled that either you're led astray and totally forget about the beauty that you had just witnessed, or you keep on the path of being a transforming difference to yourself and others, treading a purpose-driven life.

In darkness, the eyes are fully open. And so, blind as we all are in stark daylight, in the glaring heat of the sun, when the judgmental hubbub and the judgmental eyes are prowling left and right, when the film becomes raw and the subject is harshly exposed, we inch one step closer to the truth.

Just take a look. The darkness lingers. Baggage.

DAY 107:
WHAT I ATE:
Breakfast:
none

Lunch:
Steak Strips
1/3 cup of Red Rice

Dinner:
1 pc. fried chicken from Mc Do
a lil' bit of frieds
7 bottles of red horse

DAY 108:
WHAT I ATE:
Breakfast:
none

Lunch / Merienda:
Phad Thai
1 bite of Polo Cheese Burger
1 pc. crazy maki
2 pcs. bagnet strips w/ 2 subos of rice
1 frozen margarita

Dinner:
1 tapsilog from Rufos
1 pc. of Joby's tocino
3 pcs. of lifecoach's Tokwa't Baboy
4 bottles of red horse
1 subo of sisig

Early Morning Last Hurrah:
Lechong Macau
Crispy Noodles

SIGHTS AND SOUNDS:

Second Childhood

Rogelio, Joanna Bellatrix, Patisha Mae, Jean Karl

Ed, Fran, Nico, Renz, Shirl, Harold and Patisha Mae

Robbie, Peachy, Grech, Sundee, Ice

Patisha, Karl and Nica... haha. what's with the look?

No place like home: Me, Steak, Lifecoach, Ice, Jon, Joby

EXERCISE:

none... que horror

WEIGHT:

189 pounds... fuck

-2000 and Thin

106: INTEGRATION, DISINTEGRATION

I had a short and sweet chat with Christel last night before meeting up with some friends. We were postulating about integration while going gaga over plastic balloons. Yup, it's my new thing nowadays. Plastic Balloons... and as usual, Red Horse. I dunno, I'm probably reconnecting with my childhood or something... while staying fundamentally rooted in dysfunctional, unstable adulthood.

We realized this on our second or third balloon...

Integration is a difficult thing to do. When you integrate, it's like you unhinge something out of obscurity, you pluck it out like a fish from the water, and instill it to become a semi-regular or semi-permanent fixture in your life. It becomes part of your everyday routine. You find yourself not being able to function without it as it essentially becomes a part of who you are, or what you do. Person. Activity. Life Goal. Preoccupation. Passion. Vice. Relationship. It runs the gamut.

But unless you have a strong sense of self which most people our age don't really have, there's a possibility for you to get lost. You get lost in a shuffle, you lose sight of who you are, you lose sight of what you are supposed to do. It's a jungle out there, and we're just getting started.

Integration can unfortunately lead to disintegration if not done right. When you think you're integrating, you might actually be causing a schism or some form of rupture or divide between yourself and the great beyond. You think, okay... this is what's gonna happen. But if the universe says that it ain't so, for whatever reason, you sort of end up in limbo... disintegrated.... defeated... not a good feeling. Before you integrate, best to substantiate. Enter... discernment.

WHAT I ATE TODAY:
Super Early Breakfast:
2 pcs. spam
Corned Beef Rice

Lunch:
none

Dinner:
2/3 Polo Cheese Burger
Fries
Watermelon Shake

Late Dinner:
4 slices of PIzza
Mojos
3 cans of red horse

EXERCISE:
2 hours of tennis doubles
1 lap of jogging around the polo field

SIGHTS AND SOUNDS:

Christel's House

Old Friends

Me and Red

Caisa and Red

My other bourg Jaime

Red, Caisa, Jaime and Me

Guess who finally shows up? Kakki :)

Bruiser?

Salvage what we have

Red in blue

Red and Caisa

Kakki

Jaime

Take Deux

WEIGHT:
186 pounds

- 2000 and Thin

105: RA...RA...RA...RA...RANDOM

Today was a rather interesting day in the campaign trail. My buddy HB and I woke up at 430 in the morning to join mom in a house to house sortie in Pangasinan. We walked through two communities, knocking on the doors of each of their homes to garner support for mom. That's how it is with local elections. It's more of a hands on and face-to-face encounter with the voter as opposed to national elections where it's all about launching an awareness campaign, nowadays through TV. I think it's more effective this way in that you get a pulse of the people. You're not stuck in theory and rhetoric but you transcend with ideas and experience rooted in praxis.

Anyway, my stomach suddenly hurt in the middle of our second walkthrough so HB and I returned home so I could use the bathroom. Shortly after, we both crashed. As in dead fish. Talk about puyat, pagod, and underslept. Basically bummed the whole day until night came and I had to represent mom in two fiestas - one of which I had to judge a Ms. Gay Beauty Pageant, and the other, I had to receive an award on her behalf. I love it. How random is that? A Ms. Gay Beauty Pageant. All in a day's work.

But before we dispersed to our respective itineraries, HB and I joined mom in her rally in Bonuan - our hometown - where the crowd was as warm and receptive as ever. It was a great feeling speaking in front of them, and in front of dad who validated my speech with fond congratulations. Ate Carissa (seen here) also joined us on stage. I was happily surprised to see Ate and Juju arrive with their kids Isabella and Gabbi here in Pangasinan. They're staying til Tuesday but I'm leaving in a couple of hours. That's how my family rolls. We come and go without each other knowing. Haha.

After the rally, I headed back to Bonuan to fetch Atche Coring and mom's angels before we headed to the first fiesta. Delivered a 7-page speech... quite long and stuttered a bit before I hit my stride. When you relax and stop psyching yourself out, your inner light shines. And that's something I will aim to achieve in anything that I do. Relax, Breathe, and Live.

WHAT I ATE TODAY:
Breakfast:
none

Lunch:
Inihaw na Baboy
1 cup of white rice
1 cup of coffee

Merienda:
1 Bowl of Champurado
3 pcs. Pingka

Dinner:
none

SIGHTS AND SOUNDS:
House to House Campaign

Me, HB, and Nanay Pentay

Me, Mum with Nanay Pentay's angels

Full Force

Second Childhood Series

It starts with a ball of orange goo...

Tiny bubble

Big bubble

Sorties

Dancing with Shermaine and John Nite

Hb, Jason, John, Shermaine, Ace, and friend

Me and Tita Betch

Receiving the award in behalf of mum.

MS GAY BEAUTY PAGEANT... homaygad. i love it!

haha. this girl is awesome.

I think her name was Regine Velasquez?

EXERCISE:
none


WEIGHT:
dunno


- 2000 and Thin