I had a short and sweet chat with Christel last night before meeting up with some friends. We were postulating about integration while going gaga over plastic balloons. Yup, it's my new thing nowadays. Plastic Balloons... and as usual, Red Horse. I dunno, I'm probably reconnecting with my childhood or something... while staying fundamentally rooted in dysfunctional, unstable adulthood.
We realized this on our second or third balloon...
Integration is a difficult thing to do. When you integrate, it's like you unhinge something out of obscurity, you pluck it out like a fish from the water, and instill it to become a semi-regular or semi-permanent fixture in your life. It becomes part of your everyday routine. You find yourself not being able to function without it as it essentially becomes a part of who you are, or what you do. Person. Activity. Life Goal. Preoccupation. Passion. Vice. Relationship. It runs the gamut.
But unless you have a strong sense of self which most people our age don't really have, there's a possibility for you to get lost. You get lost in a shuffle, you lose sight of who you are, you lose sight of what you are supposed to do. It's a jungle out there, and we're just getting started.
Integration can unfortunately lead to disintegration if not done right. When you think you're integrating, you might actually be causing a schism or some form of rupture or divide between yourself and the great beyond. You think, okay... this is what's gonna happen. But if the universe says that it ain't so, for whatever reason, you sort of end up in limbo... disintegrated.... defeated... not a good feeling. Before you integrate, best to substantiate. Enter... discernment.
WHAT I ATE TODAY:
Super Early Breakfast:
2 pcs. spam
Corned Beef Rice
2/3 Polo Cheese Burger
4 slices of PIzza
3 cans of red horse
2 hours of tennis doubles
1 lap of jogging around the polo field
SIGHTS AND SOUNDS:
- 2000 and Thin