DAY 52: REALITY CHECK

I finally figured out why I've been kinda low-batt and depressed and emotional over the past few months. Well it comes and goes. But I was ranting to mom last night after coming back from High Street about how I feel so lost, and I don't know what to do with my life. It was the first thing that came out of my mouth when she asked me how I was. I was talking about my job, my withdrawals, and my emotional instability. About feeling inadequate and lonesome. And she kinda put it all together for me when deep down, I was going around in circles and trying to make sense of everything that was happening around me and not coming to any conclusion, or solution for that matter. I was stuck... in a black hole.

She figured... my hormones are acting up because I've been on a diet. Tumpak. And mom is always right. Eh extremes naman kasi akong tao eh... My true love used to be food and it got me through the day. I was happy and jolly, eating away through take-out and living the prime of life, and it inspired me to keep on going through every daunting task or adversity. I lived to eat, and not ate to live. Now, food is like a tool for survival and I have lost the will and the passion for it. I let myself go on this diet spree and I guess it's taking a toll on me mentally, physically, and emotionally. I'm forever drained, and downtrodden, and seemingly problematic when everything is going right. Hay nako. But yes, I'm still capable of joy. But it almost instantly fades with sadness.

I also haven't exercised since Sunday so I haven't had an endorphin boost to fuel my happiness. It's 7:40am and I will make it a point to squeeze in around 30 minutes of treadmill after this so I can feel better about myself as I go on to another work day. Hopefully, it'll up my spirit.

WHAT I ATE TODAY:
Breakfast:
none

Lunch:
1 Bottled Water
2 Bites of Caesar Salad (until I felt like puking)

Dinner:
3 pcs. calamares
1 Coke Zero
1 Lettuce w/ Minced Chicken

EXERCISE:
none

SIGHTS AND SOUNDS:

*why the serious face Michelle?

*wow everyone seems to have a long face these days?

*Except for this girl, looking so fresh and so clean, clean. I miss you Nic. We were catching up by the third floor, our numbers down, but thankfully it didn't dampen our spirits. Wow, I haven't seen her since Feb. 13 I think, when she and Mara left for Australia. Nic came back but Mara will be there 'til June because she is in fact, finishing her degree... another girl I super miss.

*Oh my mentor and life coach HB, not looking so happy here. Why the forced smile? hehe. No actually he was feeling under the weather so the three of us ended up calling it a night early. I then headed to High Street since I wasn't needed for the meeting I was supposed to attend... to meet up with friends, and Kakki who I haven't seen in ages. Glad to see her up on her toes despite everything...


NAUGHTIES:

MORNING WEIGHT:

198.5 pounds

EVENING WEIGHT:

197.5 pounds

- 2000 and THIN