What the? haha. oh god. let's not even go there. though Ate Annie made perfect sense awhile ago over dinner at Tita Joce's house. Maybe that's what's missing in my life right now. And in Manay Ajja's. Have we really become so cynical and jaded and so secular that we've divorced the thought of God from our lives?
I haven't really gone to Mass in months... and I don't know if it's just me but I don't at all feel compelled to go to Mass and sit through all these long, inconsiderate homilies. Parang what's the point? Eh paulit-ulit naman yung sinasabi ng pari. Though the thought of going to Mass has been tugging at me for these past couple of weeks. I just keep shrugging it away. Yes my mind is the devil's playground. I need an exorcism.
Maybe God really is who's missing in my life. Maybe I need a stronger sense of spirituality. My hope is to ride this momentum... all throughout my sleep and onwards to Mass tomorrow... if I go. Maybe it'll be good for me. It did get me through that rough time in my life in 2008 when I was just ridden with so much angst and heartbreak and cumbersome emotions. Somehow I got through it - and I hope to get through this rut by taking it one day at a time.
Change topic. Some realizations... maybe not so correct after all. I'm talking about something else. But again Tita Joce is right. I have so many question marks in my life right now that I'm seeking a period somewhere down the road. I don't know what that period is... but a period will get me far. And it will probably unhinge me from this battlefield of question marks that can be quite annoying. Parang Lost. Puro tanong, konting sagot. Six seasons na... lost ka pa rin sa 'yong pagnood.
And I also realized... not eating and skipping meals is actually contributing to my depression. what a heavy SOB. I'm not so good a company nowadays. I'm just a heavy drunk.
WHAT I ATE TODAY:
forkfuls of pesto
1 roll of pizza from Focaccia
1 glass of wine
SIGHTS AND SOUNDS:
AT FOCACCIA at A. VENUE
*Sylveth, and the 3'o clock habit
3 laps in the Polo Field
*Jogging for 2 laps straight. 1 lap brisk walking.
I dunno. I was drunk. Again. Thanks to those who had my back while I was ummm.... my usual self.
- 2000 and Thin