It's 12:33 AM and I just realized... I hardly ate the whole day. There was just so much stuff to be done that I couldn't pause for one moment and grab a bite to eat... even as I was eating my brunch, I was multitasking doing some work stuff and preparations for my meeting that didn't push through. Anyway, there's not much to be said today other than... today's one of those days when it hit me... where is my life going? where am I? who am I? Where do I want to go?
I like what the character of Roger tells Mark in RENT when he says... "Mark hides in his work." Okay, I know I'm a frustrated Mark - it's one of those sliding doors of a dream role for humor's sake. But it's scary how there's so much truth and parallelism between me and the character of Mark. I'm like him in a lot of ways - I hide behind my work. I'm scared to face reality and ascertain where I'm actually going so I bury myself with the things that I have to do - and lately, it's been so much that sometimes, I can't even find the time to just... be. Peel away all these layers to reveal a lonely guy... grappling to make sense of the world around him, and where his actions and decisions have taken him to the point of now - which is also seems to be the point of no return.
I'm lonely. I'm lonely. I'm lonely. I'm lonely. I'm alone.
But more than that, even if I'm doing so much, I still feel lost. I feel like I'm living abroad because of the feeling of being alone... even if I'm right smack in Manila, living a comfortable life. There's something missing and I can't quite put a ring on it. Maybe also... I'm hungry and I'm sleepy and I'm tired and my mind is playing tricks on me already.
WHAT I ATE TODAY:
(you might as well make it what I didn't eat today)
BREAKFAST / BRUNCH:
- 1 cup of red rice
- Boiled Chicken
LUNCH / MERIENDA:
- 1 bottle of soymilk from the cafeteria at work
Yup, that's pretty much it. Understandably, this is why I'm miserable. But it's not even the entirety of it. This is just scratching the surface.
- 2000 and THIN