Day 29: Moxie

So stupid thing happened last night. I left my laptop at RCBC, along with my ipod and other stuff that were inside my purple plaid knapsack. How stupid is that? I can be so careless and forgetful sometimes. Parang I don't give value or importance to my possessions. What's worse is that I only realized it upon getting home, after drinking with the cast and the whole RENT team in Cable Car to celebrate a successful first weekend. That was at around 2am? And I was going to attempt to write a blog despite my emotional intoxication... but... lo and behold... laptop was in RCBC. ayayay! stupid stupid.

And that wasn't the only stupid thing I did last night. When I joined Santi for a smoke, I had to bolt almost instantly to carry out some errands. I left my jacket and cellphone beside him without even telling him to look after it. Eventually I forgot about them as I continued on those errands until I saw them nalang again through the glass door - like treasure waiting to be taken. Of course Santi wasn't there anymore but thank God my jacket and my phone were, despite the army of strangers that constantly flock the outside smoking area of RCBC. People who watched RENT (or didn't and were just smoking there), thank you for your honesty. SUPER THANKS TALAGA :S haha.

I should stop being burara. I should also clean out my wallet because the other day, my friends were making fun of me for what were inside - dollars, pesos, receipts upon receipts upon receipts, tattered checks, and stuff that should really be tossed out already. It was like potpourri gone bad and it's one of those things that I basically have to streamline, not to mention my room, my working state of mind, my plans in life, my goals, and where I wanna be in 2010, and 2011.

There's so much happening right now in my life... though it's probably not as severe as what others are going through... nonetheless, they are as real and valid as Santa is to a little kid. So let me indulge.

EMOTIONAL STATE

• I am currently family-less because my parents are always gone. They are so busy that they have no more time for me anymore. So I make other plans and learn to adjust. But when they come, they can't expect me to bend over backwards to accommodate them if they can't accommodate me. Relationships are a two-way streak. They can be selfish. I will be selfish.

• I am bitter, cynical, and unable to see past the hurt that I went through in my past relationship. I have this weird goal of being a neuter - devoid of emotions. I want to be stoic. I want to be detached and unaffected.

• I am not happy with my work anymore. Maybe 'coz I haven't been able to do a single thing I've been planning for the past two months. And now that I'm exposed to theater and a show that negates the whole essence of what I'm doing, it's like parang nalugi ako or something.

• I may be undergoing some hormonal imbalance because of my diet. I used to turn to food when I'm sad. But now that food is no longer my happiness, I'm seeking it in all these places but can't really find what I'm looking for. I'm a lost boy once again.

• I've been annoyed and impatient for the past week, resorting to alcohol every night - which is also why I've been late for work this whole of February - which is why I've also been so unfocused. And because I don't get to start the day right, I've been sluggish, exhausted, and thoroughly uninspired.

• I'm bored!

WHAT I ATE (YESTERDAY):

Breakfast 

- none

Lunch

- none

Merienda

- 2 pcs. chicken w/ white rice from Mc Donalds

*ugh gross... I wanted to puke after the meal coz it was so greasy and I could feel the oil swirling inside my cheek fats. And parang my blubber underneath my chin got bigger because of it. 

Dinner / Alcohol

- 5 Cups of Orange The Bar w/ Sprite

- 1 San Miguel Premium Beer

- 2 San Mig Light

- Spoonfuls of Adobo Rice from Cable Car, a wing or an onion right here or there, nachos galore, and some fries...

*how good is this adobo rice from Cable Car?

*I just threw it all away at night before I decided to French to incise my path to self-destruction. Too much drinking and eating... too much indulgence. 

Okay *end rant*

It's the start of a work week. There is a lot to be done. So I'll get to it. Set RENT aside first and focus on the task at hand - - - SM. Article for Status. Column. Do those things first and do it well. Stop indulging your emotional instability. That's all a state of mind. Stop it. Let you inner light shine. Put yourself out there (for opportunity - not emotionality).

EXERCISE

- 20 minutes jogging around the village

MORNING WEIGHT:

204.5 pounds

EVENING WEIGHT:

206 pounds

*weirdly enough, when I woke up today, I was 202. Thought the scale was wrong. but I weighed again after 10 minutes, I was still 202

Fuck off

- 2000 and Thin